behind the camera gives you the perfect anthropologist position: present but removed, participating but with plausible deniability for non-participation. you get to document your personal life, which lets you study social dynamics without being full vulnerable. it’s my default mode: i can slide behind camera (literally or metaphorically when social situations get too intense or performative)
authenticity is a core life theme which makes my people-pleasing tendency make sense - if im constantly aware of the performance layer of social interaction, you are hyper-attuned to what others expect - a camera lets you study these dynamics without committing to any particular performance yourself.
i seek performance in a world that is overly performative esep at social events - i love being behind the camera to document & observe, and examine the social operating system, as a hyper examiner
camera creates distance and intimacy ( i capture essence ). its a mix of detachment and deep engagement. rather than contradiction its syncresis: the observer and participant aren’t opposed positions but expressions of a more complex relationship with reality. consciousness itself is syncretic. The subject who observes and the object being observed are aspects of a single awareness. every time you raise a camera, you’re negotiating the same paradox you encountered at the concert: How do you participate fully while maintaining the distance necessary for perspective? How do you capture truth while acknowledging that the act of capturing changes what’s being captured? most people navigate social situations without conscious awareness of their constructed nature. You, both as photographer and psychonaut, have developed the capacity to see the machinery while it’s running.